Balancing Blunt and Pushy with Polite

There's no other way to say it. We need people who are blunt and pushy to get things done. Even though being the target of this can feel stressful, it needn't harm the relationship if it's appropriate and balanced with clear positive intent. We need to show pushy individuals how to treat people well most of the time or they will quickly lose others from their teams either because people quit or turn off.

Numerous studies now show we need to make positive comments three to five times as often as negative... five in family relationships and at least three in work relationships to be highly successful. Many authors describe this as being like a bank of good will that we store up with people... and the withdrawals from the bank (negative comments) happen much more powerfully than the trickle effect of pouring in positive comments.

You can find a conversational overview here about how this works in marriages. There's a broader explanation in Wikipedia here and an even more detail this in scientific study by Fredrickson and Losada.

The bottom line is that for superior success among marriage partners or management teams the focus needs to be positive more than three (but less than eleven) times as often as negative. It's interesting, but probably not news that you can go overboard on positives. Think of all those drippy people who never have a bad word to say. These studies show they aren't as successful as those who find a balance - with that balance tilted toward, but not exclusively positive. Conflict and the healthy management of it helps relationships and results!