Coaching Communicates Across Our Differences

Sometimes a break from the routine is what's needed to clear one's thinking and gain perspective.

During a longer than usual summer layoff I spent tons of time reading and watching people. I looked at situations I usually don't have time to ponder. In stores, restaurants, service businesses and, yes, even occasionally in offices I happened to visit I constantly noticed how different we are... and yet how strangely similar. What we often have in common seems to be our lack of listening.

My reading was largely about coaching. I concluded the simple solution to the world's problems, especially business problems, is to build a culture in which everyone coaches. I wanted to survey what's out there on coaching yourself as well as coaching others. And I looked to see if I could see coaching-style leadership happening around us. Mostly I couldn't, though it certainly goes on. It's just lower key than the usual wrangling and grumping we see and hear everywhere from both bosses and staff. A great feature of coaching as a leadership style - it goes almost unnoticed when done as a matter of routine. There's virtually no resistance to it.

We learn at least as much ourselves while we're trying to coach others. A coaching point of view encourages us to think in terms of learning, changing and improving at the same time we urge it on others. That in itself encourages others to take it seriously because they see the coaches true interest includes learning for themselves as well as changing the coachee.

What's clear is that no one truly likes "advice." Coaching takes a different approach in which the coach encourages the individual to figure things out for themselves. The back and forth discussion actually allows both to air their concerns, their hesitations and begin to build new ideas for action... for themselves. Ultimately everyone's interests are served. The truth gets out on the table and it's dealt with in a highly constructive way without orders, fault-finding or threats. 

I loved the Henry Ford quote cited by Jim Clemmer in his newsletter: "No one is apathetic except those in pursuit of someone else's objectives." Coaching offers a chance for everyone to develop and begin the path to one's own objectives for oneself - a far more appealing road than orders or advice.